Scattered swiss cheese

After most of a year hemming and hawing, and perhaps a week of hardcore research and evaluation, I've come to a decision on finalizing my name so that I can get legal documentation started. I'm going with Kaylee Samantha Scheans. When my wife and I originally got married, there was never really much of a question as to whether or not she would take my last name. Her family is a huge part of our lives, and is full of people that I've loved from the first moment we met. There's a strength in them, as a mutually supportive unit, that kind of earns and demands honor. I was told early on that I'd unequivocally earned adoption in lending a hand digging out some of the many hoarded treasures that Grandma had built up over the years. Love and acceptance are easy currency within the group, given freely without reservation. Help is what you do when you can think of a way; waiting to be asked is a waste of time. As special and genuine as that felt, I soon l...

I have a new girlfriend, R! I've been hemming and hawing over how to introduce the idea, here, clinging to the vestiges of shame over being judged for having a relationship structure outside of the "normal" model. Realistically, that ship sailed a while ago, possibly even before I came out as transgender. Oh well. Bad mental habits take a while to get over, even when you're trying. The people that know and care about me enough to matter are aware already, and have had the time to wrap their heads around the basics of polyamory and ask questions. The bottom line is that my wife, E, and I have been philosophically poly from the very beginning, and have had many lively discussions about what that means to us that have only made us surer of each other. She's just had more opportunity to explore the idea, functionally, which is likely largely due to her being wonderfully social and outgoing, and me being not so much. I'm doing scads better there, though, ev...

  Myspace Blog 08/22/2007 Memories - The First Kiss (July, 1998) Current mood: contemplative This would be our third date, really our third date in a row, since we ended up trying to see each other every day while I was in school, and made it about two weeks without a break. In any case, we met again after class at her apartment on 13th street. We spent the entire afternoon walking all over San Diego, since neither of us had a car, and today we really didn't feel like taking the trolley anywhere. We talked for hours, about anything and everything, about favorite flowers, life in the city, life in the country, life in a perfect world. I think we both decided that we wanted to live in the mountains, undisturbed with our children, but with a huge city just over the hill so that we would always have something fascinating to do. We kept on walking along talking about the people we saw, and what their lives must be like. We stopped at the Baja Grill and had seafood tacos. Needless to say...

  Myspace blog 08/22/2007 Memories - Meeting  Jessie  (July, 1998) Current mood: mellow It's odd how the most mundane events and scenes preclude some of the most significant things.  I was on the trolley in San Diego, returning from window shopping for a Playstation game with a friend from class, a guy from the Coast Guard that was taking the same micro-miniature electronic repair course that I was.  In the car ahead of us, I heard someone making a crude joke about Marines; something about a recruit following a horse in a parade.  Whatever it was, it made me laugh out loud, which caused the girl telling the joke to turn around.  She was a tiny redhead, beautiful and friendly and flirty and WAY out of my league.  All the same, she gave me a genuine smile, as if to say thank you.  Of course, the Marines she was telling the joke to didn't see as much humor in it, but what can you say for that breed? A few minutes later, the trolley got to my sto...

 This was originally posted to Myspace, and already a kind of a reposting then.  The entry has a bit of context added, though, so I'm going to keep the extra layer. Myspace  Blog 11/18/2007 Notes Josh Byram   < jbyram22@gmail.com > Mar 12, 2011, 1:31 PM to  jbmemoryticker Man, does it echo in here? Current mood: nostalgic Well, so far this morning I've done nothing besides reorganize a bit of my hard drive storage.  With more than a terabyte on 4 different drives, it's gotten out of hand.  I've cleaned out nearly 60 GB today in dupes and stuff that I no longer need. Along the way, I came across a digital copy of Jessie's eulogy.  Oddly enough, it really hasn't made me sad to re-read it, and it's re-reminded me of a few portions of her life that I'd let myself forget.  It's funny, because I'm actually re-reading "Eon", by Greg Bear, which, among other things, describes a form of meditation called Talsit.  The description boils down...

 So yeah.  That's what it looks like when I don't want to admit something.  Nearly a full year since I've made an entry here, and to put it succinctly, it's been because I haven't wanted to admit my level of dependance on THC. I'm doing better these days; I talked to my most recent psychiatrist more about getting back on ADHD meds, since they'd helped so very much during college, but KPs guidelines state that I need to be showing "improvement" to get them when cannabis is in the picture, even when it's for a medically valid reason.  I'm happy to report that I was able to muscle through November almost entirely clear of using the straight THC.  My primary interventional is now mostly CBD at a 10:1 ratio, and I'm using significantly less in overall volume as well.  Which means I've just gotten to restart said ADHD meds, though it's early enough that I'm not really seeing a distinct response. I'm still at the point of wanti...