Scattered swiss cheese

 Well, the positive spin is that this blog has very much become part of what I originally envisioned; it is now symbolically how I solidify experience and make things real, and perhaps take a little agency in what I choose to keep.  Exactly what I wanted to happen... except that also means its subject to avoidance behaviors when I don't want something to be real.  So I've let the next post here burble in the back of my brain, a dozen possible subjects begging to be fleshed out, but none of it feeling like something I'm quite ready to face.  So... fuck it.  It's 3:30 in the morning and I'm wound up tight.  Lets see about letting some of this out. My impulse is to continue with the positive spin, and talk about the delightful acceptance my daughter has shown toward my transgender identity, and why I felt the need to talk with her about it so early.  I'm seeing a little through my own bullshit this morning, however, and that feels like it's going to be an...

 I'm trying out a lot of new thoughts in feeling out my identity.  One I had yesterday was "This blog is primarily for me, therefore it's valid to decide to include something because it feels right and leave it at that."  Therefore, there are going to be a number of posts from time to time that are just parts of my life that I'd like to keep, and these may lack meaningful context for others. March 31 - therapy notes "A compulsion is an effort to reduce uncertainty tied to a fear." 22Shades — March 31 Ok, screw it - not the time to be clever, apparently.  Sitting here trying to find the right words is just twisting me up further, and this is the right server to share joy on.  I had the big scary interview with Gender Pathways yesterday and now the consent form for HRT is in my inbox; sounds like I'm going to start in about 2 weeks.  Having a horrible morning physically, and I think that's overflowing into emotion and making things harder for no go...